Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
