i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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