I think i peed on brittanys purse
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dicks are not precious.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize