i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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