I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
