I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
