tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
