My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
