Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
