He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
