I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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