I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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