Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
