She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
