if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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