i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
