this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
