He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
