Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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