on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just got carded by a ten year old.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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