the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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