were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
