oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
