I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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