were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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