Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you win again, gameday.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
