there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
