____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
