No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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