My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
