After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She announced her abortion via fbk
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
