Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
