Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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