Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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