He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
