i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
