D3 body, D1 cock
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
