I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
