Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
