I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
