I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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