I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We need a shit load of segways right now
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
