I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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