I'm really into asian looking animals
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
