you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
