This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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