At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
