i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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