the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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