If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
