I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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