Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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