I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i wish my penis had a tongue
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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