In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
