Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
