"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
