dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
