mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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