I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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