i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
