guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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