dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
