My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
