I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
