There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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