fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
