that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
