i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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