if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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