would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
