I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
