I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
