Non-Jews are for practice
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Are my feet made of real feet?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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