RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
