you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
