you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
