Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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