btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
