I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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