we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
