Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you didnt know i had herpes?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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